To Date or Not to Date...

Now that I'm an experienced AND retired (Thank God!) user of online dating sites, my friends have been dying for me to share my expert advice. It wasn't fun and it definitely wasn't pretty, but hey! somebody had to do it, so I took one for the team.

I've concluded the following results:

• If his profile says he's 5'9, it's likely he's 5'5...maybe even 5'4.

• Beware...if he's not showing his teeth when he smiles in his pictures he probably has braces, or funky teeth. No bueno.

• Dismiss any guys with pictures of themselves with no shirt, this is clearly a sign of needing attention.

• With that said, also dismiss any guys taking a picture of themselves in a mirror with their camera.

• The length of his profile relates directly to the amount of mental issues he has.

• If he sendz u a messag dat luks lik dis i wud strongly suggest the ignoring tactic.

• Make sure to find out if he's married. I know this seems silly but trust me, it's necessary.

Happy hunting ladies! I hope you don't end up meeting someone like this...


but rather someone more like this...